April 2013

I just read a story.  This story was about a couple finding out hard news about their baby  during the pregnancy.  They went into so much detail it reminded me of being pregnant with Isabella Hope.

It also reminded me of when I was on my knees begging God to heal her.  I really thought he would.  I was waiting for the appointment when I went in there & they said she didn’t have Spina Bifida anymore. Although God does miraculously heal people WHEN IT IS APART OF HIS PLAN. That time never came for me.  As you might have read in other months of this blog,  she was born 6 lbs 12 oz &  17 inchs long  (smaller than my other 3 by a couple pounds!),  by C-section.  An open whole in her back.  It has now been 8 months &  I realized that after about 5 surgeries, shunt failing, trache & continuous hospitalizations shes has been through, my miracle is that my baby is alive & happy.  She may not be crawling or sitting or rolling or even holding her head up like an “average”  8 month old but she smiles with the most genuine happiness I have ever seen.  When it comes down to it, that’s what’s important in life.  To be honest special needs people made me nervous in the past.  I had never been around it except when I saw someone in public.  I had my 3 other children NO problems (besides toxemia with Zoey).  God needed to open my eyes & I gave him every reason to by getting pregnant with Isabella.  He gave me more love & understanding & empathy in my heart for EVERYONE than I had before.  I still don’t know what he is preparing me for but I have a whole new perspective on life thanks to my little miracle!!  Even when I knew I was chosing adoption with my 4th (Isabella)  I knew I was going to bless another family, not just myself.  That was something I had never done before in my life & even when I was early along in my pregnancy it brought tears to my eyes thinking of the day that other family would get to see their baby.  God works in mysterious ways & doesn’t give us more than we can handle as long as we are living for HIM.  I just want to thank Jesus again for knowing what he’s doing because I could never handle this life trying to do it on my own = )

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